I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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