Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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