Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
