Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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