you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
