Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
