After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need a beard to bite.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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