I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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