My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
