I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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