You just made me feel so damn special
two words...techno handjob
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
