i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
