i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
