he puts the penis in happiness.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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