Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i think my cat just said my name.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
