They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
