R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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