Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
