check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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