My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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