mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
