I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
