seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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