Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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