Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
