I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
