I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
