I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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