theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
