it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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