Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
