She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
