I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
