im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
