I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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