He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
