By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
