Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
