It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
