Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
