he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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