i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
