Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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