It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize