whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
