im drinking this country out of the recession.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
