I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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