Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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