rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ok first of all what the fuck
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
