I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
