I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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