he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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