Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
